What’s Beef? Supercharged Self Discovery
Kendrick said, “God, ah, my confession is yours,” in that first verse of ‘6:16 in LA’, the song from his 2024 back and forth with Drake that I still think about the most. Maybe because I feel like I’m living through a future testimony that’s really important to my overall story? Maybe because in my long bouts of solitude, I feel like only God really knows what life’s been like lately. Or maybe, I just love lyrical rap and the storytelling embedded in it.
A few lines later he said these two lines, “There's opportunity when livin' with loss. I discover myself when I fall short.” And like? Yeahhhhh, I really feel that, more than I was comfortable admitting at first. Facing that discomfort head on has taken me down another path of self discovery this year that I’m still embroiled in but able to stand more solidly in today. I’m proud of that and of me for the control I’ve let go of and the way I’ve been steadfast about being present.
It takes a lot of guts to focus on right now.
I’ve broken my own heart over and over by loving on past versions of myself while simultaneously chasing a future me that I’ll never get to without being grounded enough to better manage my emotions and relationship with today. So many moments over the last year or so have quite literally forced me to stop my brain from stressing about time frames longer than 1 month ahead. I’ve had to do that to better sit with wins, stop my silly need to control every outcome. Me to me? “You are here!”
The job market sucks but I refuse to take it personal.
There are already so many journal entries about my career that still ring true in this moment. What feels unique to today though is how much I just can’t allow myself to think it’s me and I need to keep shape shifting to prove I’m exactly who I’ve become in my 10+ years of being in the creative industry. I know this is counter to all of the how-to diatribes on LinkedIn but there’s just no way the system and our lack of humanity under capitalism isn’t at fault. I will keep showing up as my fullest self and being the highly competent and compassionate Creative Director I know myself to be and manifesting whatever’s meant to be when it comes to that ideal full-time role. Until then? Back to the first bullet, consulting with great partners and a future entry about co-leading this year’s DC Design Week.
I’m my own greatest love but I need people too.
The woman I am right now is my favorite. I’ve never felt more inwardly and outwardly myself before and that’s a gift I don’t take for granted. Really landing my style, this almost 5yr loc journey and how grounded I feel about the things that bring me joy has been a long time coming. And yet, I know how important it is to connect with people who love me, learn me and grow me. I don’t ever want to be so delusional about my own self love/discovery that I lose sight of just how much having a community you can lean on and be of service to is why we’re actually here.
Told myself to keep this one short as this is a long game and I want to speak/show less while I live the things mentioned. Guess when you’ve been programmed to chase work, it is noteworthy when you find comfort in stillness. Posting today for some visible accountability and maybe for someone else who needed to see this too.
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Before I go — In my consumption of the beef, I was never unsure about how it would go or how much Duckworth would have me deep thinking. Yet I’ve ironically written this entire post as a result of one of his more obvious bars. Art is beautiful in that way though isn’t it?
