Why March 13th?

I got my interlocks established today. It had to be today because no other day would do.

The first thing you should know about me is that almost everything I do has deep personal meaning. I often find myself getting worked up about dates and times, orchestrating future memories long before they come to fruition. While I’ve been contemplating a loc journey for what feels like my whole life, no time like today feels more right.

So, what’s the significance of March 13th you ask?

On the evening of March 13th, 2018, my paternal grandmother passed away. It was a month and 4 days since her 79th birthday. It was 2 months and 13 days since I’d last seen her. It was 2 months and 26 days since my Dad finally told me she’d been diagnosed with stage 3 mesothelioma and received a recommendation for hospice/palliative care. We had learned of a tumor a few days before the diagnosis. It happened so fast that sometimes I still have to stop to process it. She had survived the catastrophic 2017 hurricane season that produced Hurricane Irma and Maria which devastated the Virgin Islands. We were in the clear, how could she be gone?

“I remember life as before and after Hurricane Irma.” — Nay

The day I found out about her tumor was the day I began adding everything to my calendar. It felt weighty and urgent early on. Something made me feel like I needed to take stock of everything that was happening, as if I knew my life would be changing in a big way very soon. Unfortunately, I was spot on. Everything changed and hasn’t stopped since then. I often say to my Dad, “I remember life as before and after Hurricane Irma.”

Today makes two years since my Grandmother, Mrs. Emma E. Penn, left this earth. I still “feel” it. I’ll probably never stop. That said, something I could do is find a way to add some good memories to this day. I could reclaim it and find a way to celebrate her life rather than her death and perhaps something else too. I could give new meaning to March 13th instead of dwelling on the deafening silence that death brings.

Once this hit me, my relaxed convos with my chosen loctician changed. I needed to push everything up because it had to be today. Thankfully, the stars aligned for me. My consultation was pushed up by more than a week and my interlocks are finally established.

The last time I saw my grandmother she could see me hesitating to leave for my trip back to the mainland. She and I both seemed to know in the back of our minds that it was the last time. She looked over at me and said, “Don’t worry about your grandma. Go do what you have to do and take care of yourself.” Some how I walked away from her for that final time.

From now on, March 13th is no longer just a sad day. It’s now a marker and symbol of change. Its me choosing life and gripping onto the present as much as I can. It’s the anniversary of me doing something major for myself.

As we all learn to navigate life without her, I am doing my best to take care of myself like she demanded. Today, I hope I’ve made my grandma proud.