Chapter 30: Formula For A Good Day
My birthdays have historically been a mixed bag, often eliciting the variety of emotions my zodiac sign cancer is known for. I’ve spent a few of my milestone birthdays in particular, deeply hurt and disappointed for one thing or another. For my 30th, which has always seemed like THEE turning point of someone’s young life to me, I wanted better for myself. I wanted to FEEL better leading up to and on that special day. The pandemic gave me all the space I needed to work through how to accomplish that and more than anything, stop blaming everyone for something I had the most power to influence.
That work was the foundation for the best birthday I’ve had in a LONG time even as I grieved what couldn’t be due to the craziness of the last year and a half. Check the formula below:
1. Planning — Say What You Want + Make It Happen
Never assume anyone’s going to care about this day the way you will! Some people likely will but never assume or expect it. This will help you grasp the control you have over exactly how this day can/should go. If a surprise or kind gesture is forthcoming, it’s easier to cancel YOUR plans than to make them on the fly after realizing no one else was making them on your behalf. On the flip side of that, when people in your life ask about the day? Be specific! Tell them your vision. Talk about what you want to do and how you want to feel on that day. If you want a cake for your birthday, say it out loud. If you want a party, say it. Sitting there and sulking because no one picked your brain and knew how you wanted to be celebrated is not fair to them or you. So plan alone, plan with those who ask and do everything in your power to bring it to life.
2. Awareness — Own Your Likes + Dislikes
As you live out enough adult birthday’s, you will come to realize that you fall into 2 distinct categories of preferences: Small + intimate OR big + mixed groups. I have learned that I’m the former. On days like my birthday, I don’t want to mix friend groups and have to monitor different personality types or energy. I don’t want to arrive to my birthday dinner and have to manage the arrival of the late friend, the late late friend and the friend who never planned to come but never articulated it until the day of. I’m also not the group trip or overly scheduled type of girl. That’s NOT my scene and I acknowledge that. This self actualization helps me to plan smaller dates/hangouts with my closest friends leading up to, day of or after my birthday. That works for me! Do the work to define what feels right and build your plans around that truth.
3. Be Selfish — Your Day, Your Way
I know. I….knowwwww! “Selfish” just…sounds bad. It’s super uncomfortable for some of us to live that, to be that. But you must! Your birthday is FOR YOU. Do not let people sway you from that. Do not let their ideas affect your vision for the day, ESPECIALLY if they’re not financing it. You want to travel? Do it, with or without ‘em. You want to be alone? Be alone with no apology. You want to celebrate for a month? Figure out a way to do it that doesn’t ask too much of anyone and do it! Your birthday really is the day you get to be the center. Own it and please get rid of anyone who doesn’t respect that.
Saturday, June 26th, 2021
This year on the day of my birthday, I wanted to have the most epic self care day ever! I planned everything else around that and made it known to my circle that this day was mine. I told most people I would put my phone on DND and spent the whole day doing everything that made me happy. It was…perfect. Check the gallery below for a look at my staycation where I indulged in incredible room service at a hotel on the water, finally got a voluntary piercing (prior to this, my only piercing was the one I got as a baby), enjoyed a full spa day experience and took advantage of some birthday freebies. See Instagram Reels for more.
As an add on to the big 30th Birthday turned Self Care Saturday, I also had the best time on separate days with some of my closest friends, catching up, celebrating life and eating lavishly.
